Lemony Snicket Risked His Life So We Could Read

A few weeks ago I read Lemony Snicket's Unauthorized Autobiography. I read it from the safety of my home, and other than announcing it on my goodreads account, no one knew I was reading it. Till now. 

 

Those of you familiar with the book will know that he urges you to read it in secret. "The book you are holding in your hands is extremely dangerous," he warns. "If the wrong people see you with this objectionable autobiography, the results could be disastrous." Lemony Snicket dedicated his life to the Baudelaire Case; and, although fate has not been kind to him, anyone at all invested to his work knows that it was far less kind to Mr. Snicket's brother and sister, Kit and Jacques. 

 

I do not believe this to be a case of luck, for there is almost as little of that in the life of Mr. Snicket as there is in the unfortunate lives of the Baudelaire siblings. Indeed, good fortune has nothing at all to do with it. For if Mr. Snicket is one thing, it's sneaky. 

 

He is evasive like no other, but never so much so as when standing in front of a camera, then he is slick as a shadow.  

 

To demonstrate I thought I would share a story here, a story which, I believe, will show just how sneaky and dedicated Mr. Snicket can be. 

 

 

It was well known among my colleagues that I never missed the annual used book sale event that took place in the town nearest the one where I once lived. 

Anyone that had spotted me there would also have known that I am a very thorough browser, owed in part to the help of my brothers, who are fellow readers and used book sale buyers. 

 

The strange occurrence that took place at this book sale in the year of interest was made all the stranger due to the fact that I had just been reading The Series of Unfortunate Events a few weeks prior. 

 

I do not know how Mr. Snicket knew this. But he must have heard of my own dedication to the case, not to mention my frustration at the lack of answers at the end of the 13th book, fittingly titled The End. You can imagine how pleased I was when I heard rumors that this was not really the end of the story. Other works existed, though they were rare and thus extremely hard to find.  

 

By this point I had given up all hope that I would ever learn more of the shadow of a man that lies behind the series. Even so, the dedications at the beginning of each of the novels still haunted me. They were, for me, the most heartbreaking and arresting part of the series as book by book a piece of the tragic story of Lemony Snicket's past was cast onto the grey page with poetic parlance. 

 

I desperately wanted to know more.

 

I believe it was my brother who came to me, holding up a book depicting three children on the back of a spotted horse, two girls and one boy. The sun itself smiled down at them, and the boy, a bespectacled, cheering looking lad, somehow managed to balance a frosted cake on his hand mid gallop. The book was titled something along the lines of The Luckiest Kids in the World!.

He might not have shown it to me at all, for it certainly was a trite little title, were it not for one interest aspect. I believe he put it something like this: 

 

"Look at this! Isn't this a rip-off of A Series of Unfortunate Events!" 

 

 

I told him to toss it in his bag with little more than a second thought other than that I would inspect it closer later. This book sale was so good, after all, the book was basically free.

 

You can imagine my surprise when later that same day the dust jacket was flipped and a new cover was revealed. 

I believe it was the familiar signature that gave it away in the end, for all one had to do was flip the book open and the letters LS were revealed.  

 

 

To this day I wonder what lengths Mr. Snicket had to go through to sneak the book into the sale. When I remember that day at the book sale now I see his shadow everywhere: the grey suit, the hat, his back always turned. How can I ever know for certain whether he was there? 

 

You might think me delusional. Perhaps you think I've made all this up.

Yet that is perhaps the strangest part. It's all true. Just ask my brother. 

 

It's all very perplexing, a word which here means something complicated or unaccountable, causing one to feel completely baffled, which, I believe, is just another word to describe the eternally sharp and ever sneaky Lemony Snicket. 

 

 

What ever else can be said about the occurrence, every well read child eventually learns that Lemony Snicket is a pen name, and thus only a character in the creation that bares his name. Evidently there's no way he could really have been there that day at the sale. Of course he didn't risk his life to share the story of the Baudelaire's with the public, much less did he in his fictional limits manage to smuggle his Unauthorized Autobiography into a used book sale for my brother to find.

 

It's simply more thrilling to imagine it that way. And so, no matter how often the World's Luckiest Children grin at me from that tacky cover, I know despite the irony of it all that luck had nothing at all to do with it.

 

 

Sherlock Holmes Solves the Mystery of the Lost Boot

It was the very night on which I had shared here on this blog the story of the lost boot which had run off within the realms of my book when I discovered another such precarious shoe in a most unexpected place.

It might have been a thing not at all worth mentioning if the topic of lost boots was not one which had been greatly on my mind. 

I was reading The Hound of the Baskervilles when, almost like an afterthought, Henry Baskerville mentioned to Sherlock Holmes that he hopes that losing a single boot is not part of the ordinary routine of life.

 

 

It immediately peeked my interest, for the casualness with which it was mentioned struck me as strange. 

I of course knew due to recent experiences that losing one boot was indeed out of the ordinary, for boots don't often walk off alone, when they walk at all.

Naturally, Sherlock Holmes knew this as well and proceeded to inquire about the boot of interest. 

Rarely has a clue so interested me on such a personal level. I made it my private mission to keep my eyes peeled for it.

 

 

I am happy to say that I have since found sir Baskerville's boot, though I certainly won't give away its location to the unknowing readers out there. 

As of yet, the boot of my book is still quite content to remain missing. But even so, I could not help but feel that the immortal and ingenious Sherlock Holmes was talking to me when he remarked on page thirty-five with an air of great reassurance that "it will not be long before the missing boot is found."  

 

It was not an altogether unusual thing to say at the time. Yet if anyone could transcend from fiction's shadows and say with utter confidence that a missing boot he could not possibly have known about will be found shortly, well, then that someone can only be Sherlock Holmes. 

I would not expect it of any other. And although I confess that I myself expect that the missing boot will soon be found, it was nice to have a word of encouragement from the ultimate expert.

Two Cups of Tea and One Book

What strange and mysterious things ensue, I do not know. But I found that one cup of tea quickly led to two as I read this afternoon.

 

Meanwhile, the day changed its course countless times, drizzling onto my window just to let the sun slip out for a while not long after. Then, later that evening, it started to snow sparsely. 

The day sure was eventful, and I found, though I am a quite a few chapters in, I still don't know what to think of it. 

 

As one test led to another, and I watched quietly while each of the three very resourceful children passed each obstacle differently, brilliantly, strangely.  

 

I half expect Lemony Snicket to come slinking out from some corner where he has been silently watching and admit, as if to make a point, that not even he knows what is going on and what all this could mean. 

 

 

The book begins like most of this nature do, with something strange stemming from some adult thing, like business trips, or moves to new homes due to financial struggle. More often than not, it is an uncertainty in an issue of child custody. This one begins with something even more adult and mundane, an ad in the paper with these inquiring words: "Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?"

The words are also printed on the back cover in red letters. 

One should note two things about this statement: first, it is addressed directly to a child, not the child's parents; and second, it slips in the words gifted, and special, which every child wishes to be.

 

 

These words are less strange on the back of a book than they would be printed in the paper. 

But I imagine any child (or adult) would be reading this book for the same reason they would note the ad in the paper with keen interest.

 

I am, of course, not a child. But I was unfairly not allowed enough time to be one, and so, I often like to read as if I still am one.  

The world is far more mysterious and whimsical when you are young and unfamiliar with issues of custody or financial struggles. A child is less likely to question the premise of a book, no matter how mysterious, just so long as it intrigues them or allows them the chance to be gifted and special, which admittedly, not only children wish to be.  

 

Perhaps by the third cup of tea the part of me that still reads in the voice of Lemony Snicket (or rather, Jude Law) will have a better sense of what is going on.