Looking back at last year; Within the last couple months of high school I was so busy juggling work, school, and some things I was struggling with at the time, that it never even hit me that I was finally leaving high school for good. I was finally free to set out on my own path.
My mom found a cheap grad dress online and planned my grad party. Meanwhile I scrambled to get the highest GPA I could muster.
Then, the night before my graduation, as my dear friend Elli made me every concoction we could think of to get rid of the cold I was fighting, I realized, I'm graduating tomorrow. Tomorrow the past ends and the future begins.
And, to my horror, I wasn't the least bit excited.
Now, in the present, I am beginning preparations for College. I can't believe in just a few months I will be leaving my childhood behind me and stepping into the future.
I have been dreaming about studying English Literature for as long as I can remember. I must have been in the fourth grade when I decided that this was what I wanted to do, and now, finally, I am stepping out of the dream and into the reality that will get me there.
It was almost a year ago (around the time I shared my post "Wishes" on here,) that I decided to take a year off before going to College. Since then I have wondered often what the future will hold, and how on earth I will manage to support myself throughout my College career, but, at the same time, I simply cannot bring myself to worry about it. No matter how unlikely and frightening it may be to invest my entire being into one single dream with so much uncertainty wedged between it, when I look into the possibilities of the future, I feel peace. I feel at peace when I walk into the unknown, because I know that He knows where He is taking me.
I know that He was the one who gave me these desires, at an age when I barely even knew who I was, I knew who I wanted to become.
I was hoping to finish writing my book this year. But, over the winter, the words seemed to evade me. I wrote and rewrote. I stayed up many snowy nights with little to no progress.
The silence lasted all throughout the Winter. I felt hopelessly forsaken.
Then, finally, I realized - or remembered, for I knew this one - I couldn't finish this book at all. Not in five lifetimes could I finish it on my own.
I don't have the words to write this book, He does. He has the words, I am just the listener.
When I look back on the Summer day of my High School graduation I know it will forever be a golden memory. The day when God, with a little help from Elli, miraculously healed my cold for just one day. When I skipped prom to go shooting in my prom dress with my brothers. When I worried that my heart was not intact with my brain, cause 'Why wasn't I more excited?!'
Looking back, leaving High school did not feel like an ending, it was not a conclusion, but rather the beginning of everything that will come after.
I would like to thank everyone who was a part of this wonderful day with me. For my mom, who bought my prom dress when I really didn't deserve it and planned a glorious garden party. To my Brothers, for dancing with me through the grass and making me feel special.
To my Dad, who captured the whole day on camera so that I never will forget it. The pictures turned out beautiful.
To my friends, who came and shared the day with me, even those who are too far away and watched it through the camera ;)
And of course, I want to thank my heavenly father, who used this year to remind me how helplessly fragile I am without him, and that he will give me the strength, and the words, I need to go where he is taking me.
Thank you! I will never forget it!
Well, I'm off to register for College. Wish me luck, although I doubt I'll need it :)