Showing posts with label Adventure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adventure. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

Wordly

I have found my writerly self in the world. I have been away from home, and come back to the same conclusion. 
 
The world is overwhelming large, and it would take many lifetimes just to discover how vast it really is. 
 
 
 
There would be so much adventure, and no time to come home. There would be so much to see, and a whirlwind of contemplation that never gets to settle in. You could delve into the city, but there are so many more through which you'd want to wander. You could map every wood, and come back next summer just to see it changed. The landscape changes when the sky does. The earth changes with the weather. Each city has a season with a separate face.
 
And when the night rolls in, and the life grows thin, the traveler would realize that they have only scratched the surface of a sea of secrets spaces, unexpected castles in an ancient wood, an ocean brought to life a hundred different ways just by the way the light shines on it; a still stone wall with a murmured story; a river laced with legends. The world is speckled, scattered, sowed and sprinkled, strewed and swimming with things to surprise you.
 
The wind carves out artifacts, but it stashes its favourite secrets under sand and stone. 
Nothing on this earth is really are own. 
We are simply here to try, in our small human way, to take it all in. 
 
 
 
 
 
I have been away and I have realized that the only thing I can do when the world astounds me, takes me away, makes me ache inside, gives me the urge to run away, is write about it. 
Everything else simply won't suffice.
 
 

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Why Tolkien Left Middle-Earth

Wisdom From Gandalf on the Nature of Stories

"It has been brought forth and must now go its appointed way in the world, though naturally I take a deep interest in its fortunes, as a parent would of a child. I am comforted to know that it has good friends to defend it against the malice of its enemies."
~Tolkien on The Lord of the Rings

 
In a letter that Tolkien may have never actually sent, he recounted a peculiar conversation he once had with a man at Oxford whose name he had forgotten.

He could recall little else about the gentlemen of mystery other than that he was well known, though ill-remembered by Tolkien later on, despite the interesting conversation he shared with him.

This conversation took place somewhere neigh twenty years after the publication of The Lord of the Rings. Though the exact date of it is unknown, it was by it that Tolkien believed to have discovered the answer to a well-worn question of his. Remarkably, the answer was, as Tolkien later recalls, offered to him as if by Gandalf himself! 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(some things), Tolkien claimed "may explain to some extent why it (The Lord of the Rings) 'feels' like a history; why it was accepted for publication; and why it has proved readable for a large number of different kinds of people... It does not fully explain what has actually happened."

What a strange question. Yet to be sure the answer cannot be horribly simplified by the simpleminded, one should note that Tolkien was not asking about the logistical explanation for his success. 

When a reader asks a similar question of the author (namely how a work was created? or where its inspiration came from?) it does not seem to the inquirer nearly as large a question. The word why is not used, after all, and questions that deal in where and how usually seem far more traceable than the the large untraceable why.

A great many readers did ask this of Tolkien. Questions like "where did your inspiration come from?" or "how did you come with these ideas" plagued him. As a younger man he took the time to explain the mystery of his discovery of Middle-Earth. As he got older, he had little patience for it.

But naturally, when the writer doesn't supply a suitable answer, the reader will try to solve the mystery themselves. Usually they will seek to do this in small ways, like examining the things they encounter that remind them of the work (such as other works of art), or inspecting the authors lives, both of which Tolkien hated. Some inquirers were more persistent, however. Many wrote to Tolkien, asking him for answers. Some were lucky enough to interview him.

Yet when the man whose name Tolkien could remember asked him a similar question (though greatly disguised by his words) Tolkien was suddenly and expectantly given an answer by someone whom one might suppose far wiser than he himself: namely, Gandalf. 

"I think I can now guess what Gandalf would reply...", Tolkien wrote. For just as Tolkien dismissed the inquiry, the mysterious gentleman fell silent, and stared "fixedly" and said, in a voice much like Gandalf's,

"Of course you don't suppose, do you, that you wrote all that book yourself?"


"Pure Gandalf!", Tolkien states.
And then, being well familiar with Gandalf and his ways, he considered his answer.

"I was too well exposed with G. to expose myself rashly, or to ask what he meant. I think I said: 'No, I don't suppose so any longer.'"

All in all, the conversation echoes of Gandalf's advice to Frodo. His words to Frodo in the Mines of Moria are not so different, in a way. No one can put one in one's place quite so simply and thoroughly as Gandalf, whether that be to put one back where one belongs, or bring one forth and out onto the greater way.

'I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.'
Gandalf: 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides that of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring, in which case you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.”


One cannot help but feel that Tolkien was likewise meant to find Middle-Earth and all that happened in it. (He always said that Middle-Earth was his discovery, not his invention.)

One could say a great deal about why Tolkien's creation has remained so astounedly successful. (I know I could). But perhaps that has little to with Tolkien himself and much more to do with those that aided him in its creation. C.S. Lewis and his youngest son Christopher Tolkien certainly come to mind.

But maybe it wouldn't be so crazy to say that Gandalf helped a little too.

One can easily chuckle about this notion. But it is, after all, a strange relationship an author has with their characters. They are not really "theirs", nor are they fully of them. Even those that resemble the author (as Tolkien claimed Faramir did) are not really theirs to keep.
The author has them only for a time, like a friend that they know and love for a short while who will one day move away. The author may at times wonder how that friend is doing, they might even consider writing to them, but it is unlikely that they ever will. 
Their characters have passed into the Grey Havens, a place only attainable from afar. One may catch glimpses of that distant shore, but neither reader nor writer will ever walk there in this lifetime. The pages of a book work the same way for us as the roundness of the earth does for the worlds of men: the best we can do is go back to where we started, travel round the globe, go there and back again, and start anew.

Eventually the author must let go of their characters. This is an inevitable truth. Even those that refuse to do so will eventually find that their characters are not the same; that they are less alive than they once were. Indeed, many writers suddenly find that they are unable to write about their characters. It is as if they aren't there anymore, living in the hole where they once dwelt; all that remains are the writer's memories of them and what they might have said or done in a given situation. But the story is over, and its characters, like its author, must move on eventually.

Many wise authors have abandoned sequels to their great works. Thus, their story ends well and its characters are allowed to retire (whether they pass into death and legend, or to have untold adventures on the road that goes ever on). And so, Bilbo walks down the road to Rivendell at the start of The Fellowship of the Ring, and not even Tolkien was able to follow.


In the same letter in which he recounted this conversation, Tolkien, in words that seem to rekindle Bilbo's own narrative tone, wrote that

"Looking back on the wholly unexpected things that have followed its publication ... I feel as if an ever darkening sky over our present world has been suddenly pierced, the clouds rolled back, and an almost forgotten sunlight had poured down again. As if indeed the horns of Hope had been heard again, as Pippin heard them suddenly."

And that is where the author stays, eventually: retired into the routine of their own life with abundant memories of their adventures, now behind them. His letters reveal just how often Tolkien would return to his memories of Middle-Earth, in one way or another, reminiscing about the events of his works like once lived adventures he had been fortunate enough to witness.

After all, Tolkien knew well that
"The L.R. (The Lord of the Rings) does not belong to me."

If it had, he may have stayed there forever; might have returned there often to walk in its hills or have tea with Bilbo. Indeed, one would like to think he could. But Bilbo doesn't live in Bag End anymore. 


What a sad thought this is. And yet, if one really thinks about it, one cannot help but feel that it is better this way. For all great adventures end eventually. It is only so that new adventures can be had, and a new Hobbit can come to live at Bag End. As Tolkien wrote long before his journey through Middle-Earth was over,

"So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings."
(The Hobbit)


 
 
It was by discovering Middle-Earth that a desire was in me awakened to write and to create things that likewise arouse such fondness in others. (How marvelous it is to be fond of a place that one can carry in one's bag, in one's mind, and in one's heart! Only books can fit worlds in such little spaces; can cram worlds to explore and get lost in into words, and keep hearths to sit by and call home into paper!)

But reading Tolkien's letters has reminded me that all things have to end. Books always run out of pages sooner or later. That is the nature of things. But it is both a sadness and a blessing. For it is only in ending that they can become fond memories.
 
 

 
 
I may still be in the midst of my own adventure. And while I think often of the day when I can look back on all that I have said and done with fondness, I cannot forget to take the time to enjoy the journey for all the joys and struggles that it still has to offer me.

Even Tolkien had to leave Middle-Earth eventually, after all. But I am not yet ready to leave mine.
My book will run its course one day, and then the words will leave me. I may write about other things, but nothing will ever again be written about the realm I once knew and walked. Even an author can overstay their welcome in their world.

For now, I know that at least that it is not ready to leave me. There is much still to discover, and I am not finished with it yet.
 
On goes the road, as ever and always old stories continue to give way to new ones.


Thursday, August 27, 2020

An Evening on the Lake

Rainy afternoons sometimes give way to the calmest evenings. On this particular night, I found myself within the realms of a pastel painting. 

My husband took me out onto its horizon.


 

The colors shimmered on the water. Soft tones of blue and pink rippled as he took me out across the narrow lake. 

 

 
Through the pastel world we drifted. And yet, I took as many pictures of him as I did of the water. My, was he a sight to see. 

 
 
 
 
Next, he took a few of me, as the world turned blue beyond.  
 
 

 
 
But the sun wouldn't stay, and so, slowly, the colors slipped away. As the blue darkness swept over the water, my husband rowed us back to shore. 
 
 
 
 
The colors grew dim, but for an instant we were painted, picturesque and still.  
So the pastel painting faded into black just as the lovers left its rim.
 
 

  
 
God is an artist. I believe this as surely as I believe in Him.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Rainy Days at the Cottage

It rained at least once each day while we were at the cottage. On this particular day, however, it rained for most of the afternoon into the early evening. After a brief swim in the rain, I slipped into some dry clothes and curled up in a chair with a book.
 
 

Eventually I got so sleepy that I snuck upstairs to the loft where we were sleeping. I awoke to the sound of the rain still pattering on my window and the sound of the trees quivering.

 

Nothing gives me such a deep and comfortable peace as rainy days like these.


Sunday, August 23, 2020

Take off to Ontario

Last Thursday I didn't know we would be flying to Ontario the next day. 

We booked our flights at 11:30 at night and packed our bags. Then, after 4 hours of sleep, we headed to the airport. 

I've always wanted to pull off a spontaneous trip like this. Of course, we couldn't have done it without all the people who accommodated their plans for us.

It is now more than a week later, and we are back home and safe in quarantine. I'm still not sure how we pulled it all off, but I'm so glad we did it. What a crazy wonderful time we had.
 

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Wedding Day

Who thought that getting married could be so simple!

Even when everything could have made it anything but easy: between the pandemic, the postponing, the uncertainty, the struggles, the waiting! But when we finally decided to just go for it, I knew it would be perfect! (Thats a lie, I knew it would be perfect - Nat)




Nathaniel, you make everything easier. Even when its complicated, even when its hard, or chaotic, or awful. You make life simple.
I always thought meeting the man I would marry would be transformational. And it was.
I also believed getting married would be such a big deal. And it is.

But it's also been far simpler than I ever realized.
It's simple because you love the simple things about me. Even though I used to believe that the person I'd marry would love me because they find me extraordinary, I learned from you that its much greater to be loved for the simple things about you. You love me because I'm ordinary in my own way, and that means I have don't have to be extraordinary; it means that you love me even when I'm lame, or irrational, or boring, or stubborn. You love the things about me that I don't think twice about, like how round me face is, or how dorky I am.


How grand it is to be loved for who you are when you're not trying; the things that stay when you are at your worst; the things that are fundamentally, ordinarily you. 
You reason with me when I'm unreasonable. You make everything seem doable. You make my simplicity my strength.



 I love the simple things about you. I love your humor. I love the way you love. I love the fact that my family loved you from the start. I knew you were the one when my Opa and Oma loved you when they met you at the airport; when my grouchy cat came to sit on your lap even though she never liked anybody, least of all strangers. I knew it when saying yes made far more sense than saying no. I love the way you play with my brothers, ever since that spring in Manitoba when it suddenly seemed like they were your brothers too.





I love your spontaneity, the way you run into the bushes, hop over streams, take me out for pancakes. We used to joke that we didn't go on dates, we went on adventures; and if dating you was an adventure, I can only imagine how grand it'll be to be married to you.



Let our life always be simple like this. Because when everything is wrong and life is a mess, the simple things keep us going: like cuddling up to you, laughing with you, grabbing midnight snacks with you, getting tickled by you.



How far we've come already.
We've followed each other across three different provinces. We've had adventures in new places, and faced countless changes. We've said goodbye way too many times, and counted too many days apart. We've built a new life out of pieces of our old ones and made it uniquely our own.

But in all the challenges we've encountered, you've always been there, at the end of the day, the wonderfully, extraordinarily, most fundamentally simple thing about my life.



And no matter where we go, and no matter what happens, let it always stay this way.
Oh, what a wonderful wedding day.



~ P.S. ~

Thank you to every one who tuned in to watch us get married from afar and supported us even though you couldn't be there! You filled our hearts with joy!
Thank you to those of you celebrated with us, and those who are patiently waiting for the day we can finally celebrate together! We await that day with such excitement!
Thank you to my brothers for making the day possible, for helping to run our wedding day and filling it with treasures!
Thank you to my new siblings, for your advice and support!
Thank you mom and dad for making our wedding perfect, even though it wasn't the way any of us ever thought it would be! (We got married in your backyard, even though it wasn't the one we intended and imagined all these years).
And finally, for the future, thank you to my new mom and dad for your support from afar as we eagerly await our wedding to come, in your backyard this time ;)


We hope to see you all soon...

Sunday, May 31, 2020

A New Life

It's been so long that I don't even know where to start. But I have to start somewhere, I suppose.

Thinking back to the last few times I wrote on this blog, it's strange to think how much has changed. How many things have become settled, and how many things are still changing. I am saddened by how little I wrote for myself during this time of change, for those words will always be lost to be now. There will only ever be a before and an after; for the life I had before and the life I have now bares so little resemblance to one another.
I started my young adult life like most other young adults, by searching for what I wanted, for the life that I would one day have. And though I always thought I knew what I wanted, I had no idea what that would look like.
How far I have come since then.

Enough with the ambiguity. The last time I wrote on this blog I was starting my first semester of university. Since then I have moved across the country. Made a home for myself. Landed my dream job, and met the love of my life.
  
But this is only just the beginning. Life will forever continue to change.
It's been a wonderfully challenging year with many new and exciting struggles.
Every stage of my life proves to be abundantly busier than I ever thought I could be, and this year I did not stop for months. This year, I moved five times, from one city to another, and through three different provinces. This year, I finally chose a minor to accompany the major I chose for myself when I was in the fourth grade. This year I got engaged. I wrote more chapters than I ever have before.

But, this is only the beginning. My young life was just the prologue, the upbringing before I set out on the adventure of a lifetime.

This new stage of my old life will be busier and more challenging than anything before. But it will also be incredibly wonderful.



P.S. Thank you to my Opa for still asking about the blog I never write on. It was just the push I needed ;)



  

Thursday, July 27, 2017

The Road Goes Ever On


These pictures were taken in the Dolomite's in Italy during my grand European adventure last year.
I have wanted to share these pictures with you for quite some time and try and capture this experience. But, somehow, I don't think I could capture with mere words how incredibly breathtaking it was.


As me and my Dad (who thankfully took these fantastic pictures and so helped capture what my words cannot) made our way up the mountain side, and the air got thinner and thinner, I could hear my heart beat in my ears. It seemed to come from all around me. I can remember so vividly the feel of the wind in my hair and the clouds in my lungs. 


We climbed right into the sky, and, when we finally reached the top, despite the fact that I could hardly muster the strength to take another step, looking into the fog and seeing the path beyond, I wanted nothing more than to keep going; To follow the road, and discover what was beyond the fog. 
But the clouds were getting thicker and a storm was beginning to brew. It followed us all the way down the mountain and we only made it home just in time. I don't think I would have had the strength to go much further.   

Rarely have I found so much peace in silence and been so at a loss for words. One day I will go back and see what lies beyond the fog. And this time, I won't turn back. 


“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say?"

 

~ Bilbo; The Lord of the Rings by: J.R.R Tolkien


Thursday, September 15, 2016

Paris 2016 Pictures

"Paris is not a city, it's a World."
~King Francois the I 






 
Special thanks to my Dad for always having his camera ready. The pictures turned out great!
You can check out more of his pictures at Heinrich Nikel Photography