Sera

I did this painting without ever having experienced Italy. It was only a few weeks after finishing it that I got the chance to see Italy for real.
I called the painting Sera, which means evening in Italian. 
What I wouldn't give right now to sit on a porch somewhere in Italy, with a drink in my hand and the evening sun peering over the horizon. 
Strange how a country I hadn't yet been to could feel so much like home, even before I got the privileged to experience it.
Thanks to all those who experienced it with me.
The time we spent together will forever be a golden time in my life <3

"Italy is a dream that keeps returning for the rest of your life." 

~Anna Akhmatova

 

 

Rainy Mornings

I know it's going to be a good day when it rains in the morning. 

I love writing when it rains. There's something about the rain that inspires me. 

Today however I had to get away from my laptop and breathe for a moment. So I took my friends for a walk through the yard.

 Raffael didn't want to get his paws wet.

Kiki didn't mind so much:P

"Some people feel the rain, others just get wet."

~Bob Marley 

Staying Focused

"Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in Faith."

~Elisabeth Elliot 

My doubt has been distracting me.
Constantly it's nagging me, trying to steal away my focus. 
I remember those nights when the words find me. I remember how the words flow through my hands. I remind myself how alive it makes me feel. 
When I'm no longer sure of myself... I remember a time when I was, and that is all it takes to regain my focus.
One word will lead to another, one chapter will follow the next. 
The doubt no longer bothers me. It's not like it's stopping me. 
You can't get to me. I know who I am. 
I'm all in. I'm fully dedicated.
It's no longer the words I'm after, it's the life. It's the emotion. 
I have to do this, because if I don't write, I'm never gonna live again. If the words don't come, I'm never gonna feel again.
Doubt is just waste of time. And time is ever wasting. 

Paris 2016 Pictures

"Paris is not a city, it's a World."

~King Francois the I 

 

 

 

Special thanks to my Dad for always having his camera ready. The pictures turned out great!

You can check out more of his pictures at Heinrich Nikel Photography

Paris 2016

I am finally getting around to posting about my trip.

We arrived in Paris on July 7th. It was the night of the big Soccer game.
I, of course, was not there to see the game, but somehow this was still the highlight of the short time I spent there.
I grew up in a very small town. Where I live everyone knows everyone and the community is very tight.
Growing up I could only dream of big cities like Paris. I could only imagine the stories that took place in these major cities and the tales that were inspired by them. 
Now, thinking back to Paris, there is one memory that is forever going to make my heart sigh. 
It is the lively sound of Paris rising through the open balcony door. It is the shouting and the laughing and the singing, keeping me awake till early in the morning. I hear the car horns blasting, I hear the cheering, I see the lights through the breezy hotel curtains. 
I hear the entire city of Paris coming together to celebrate their victory. 
Who said big cities could not have community spirit when there's so much more spirit to be had?
 

 "A walk through Paris will provide lessons in history, beauty,and in the point of life." ~Thomas Jefferson 

Summer

Well, I'm back.
Although I haven't posted in almost a month, I've done more writing than I have in a long time. I haven't felt this dedicated for quite a while. My book is well on its way.
I have never felt so much a Writer as in these last few weeks. My sleeping pattern has been thrown off completely (I'm nocturnal now.) I eat mostly in front of my laptop (Eat... Sorry, I meant Coffee.) I have to put "take shower" on my to do list and I haven't spoken to anyone outside those very special people who are brave enough to show up at my house... (Thanks for insisting to spend time with me. I really do appreciate it ;)
I am living the life.
Unfortunately, now that Summer has ended, it's time for me to get back to real life. I'll have to put "the life" on a pause and come back to it late at night, when the busy days have ended and no one is left awake. 
I'm done with sleep. I'm done with dreaming. I'm ready to start living (and by living I mean Writing.)

"If You want to write, if you want to create,you must be the most sublime fool that God ever turned out and sent Rambling. 
You must write every single day of your life.
You must read dreadful dumb books and glorious books,and let them wrestle in beautiful fights inside your head, vulgar one moment, brilliant the next.
You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads."
~Ray Bradbury

 Special Thanks to my Lil' Bro for being the lazy boy for these pictures and helping out behind the scenes of many others!

Photo credit goes to  www.heinrichnikel.com/

 


 

Italy 2016

These pictures were taken on a balcony in Italy.

Meaningful

I have been focusing a lot on writing my book lately and so I haven't had the time or motivation to update my blog.
But today is different. Today is one of those days where everything I do and everything I have fought for seems meaningless and pointless. Today is one of those days where the words are just a whirlwind inside my head, and they do not seem to fit onto any page.
Days like today I cannot write because, when everything seems to have lost its meaning, whats the point in saying anything at all?
I understand that these emotions are inevitable. Every high has a low, every journey its pit stop. But this feeling has a cycle. It creeps over me the same way every time.
It invades and infests when I lie awake at night. It finds me in a quite room. It's the silence that possess me. 
If I am not the master of my thoughts, someone else will take
control. If I do not stay focused on the words, the silence will fill me with thoughts that are destructive and mortiferous. It will tell me that my words are pointless and try to keep me still.
So I have decided to ask myself a question; If these words are without point or meaning, then why can I never get them off my mind? If the things I might say don't matter, then why is the devil trying so hard to silence me?
These words they are my point. They are my meaning.
I cannot let the silence break me, so I will break this silence. 

"I must write it all out. At any cost. Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being conscious of living." 

~Anne Morrow 

Thrift Shopping

The Help by; Kathryn Stockett

Apples of Gold

Sonnets from the Portuguese

Devices and Desires by; K.J Parker

The Time Travelers Wife by; Audery Niffenegger  

From Giotto to Cezanne: A Concise History of Painting by; Michael Levey

No Place in Particular

I have asked myself many times in these past weeks if it is possible to belong to no place in particular. 
I cannot help but wonder how many places in this World are capable of capturing my heart. Every place I leave behind I have to promise my skipping little heart that the journey is not over. I tell myself I will return because I simply must see so much more. I just have to know these places and understand them like they're home. 
They say home is where the heart is. So, what if my heart is not set in one place in particular?
 Whether I am on the road, or in the mountains; by the shore or in the valley; in little Italian Villages or in big busy cities;
The truth is, deep down, my heart will never forget that my home is not in this World. My soul is set in heaven, and my heart is ever searching for it. 
But it is my firm belief that, if you know where to look, you can catch glimpses of heaven even in a World that's so close to hell. 

 "You will never be at Home again, because part of your Heart will always be elsewhere. 
That is the price you pay for the richness of Living and Loving people in more than one place..."
 ~Miriam Adeney 

Fernweh

Fernweh~ "The ache for distant places; craving for travel."

Today it has almost been a week since I set out. 

I have gone 3 days with less than 5 hours of sleep. I have walked, climbed and explored till there were blisters on my hands and feet. 

In the past 6 days I have been amidst the bustling spirit of the city; I have heard where pain and troubles are silenced within cathedral walls. I have met the still spirit of ancient landscapes and touched stone walls crippled with time.

And in all the things that I have done, one thing has been made all too clear; I could do this for a lifetime.

  

The Kathie Flower

Well amn't I just the most romantic cousin ever.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there to explain why these are Kathie flowers. So I'll just post it on the internet for all to see.
When I first saw the Kathie flower the first person I thought of was you.
The Kathie flower is dazzling and very sweet. 
It's always in a good mood and isn't bothered by very much.
These flowers are actually called Impatients, but that too kind of smells like you ;)
The Kathie flower is very beautiful and is the color of my very dear cousin.
But what makes this flower the Kathie flower in my world is that, though the Kathie flower looks like a pretty delicate thing, its actually tough as hell. You can forget to water the Kathie flower for days, but the Kathie flower will not wilt for long. The Kathie flower is hardy, it recovers in a flash. The Kathie flower is strong and beautiful. Just like you!
No one messes with the Kathie because everyone knows they cannot dull her sparkle!

Happy Birthday Kathie.

See you soon <3 

"She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten."

 

Spring Odyssey

"And forget not that the Earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."

~ Kahlil Gibran 

Here ends my favorite season. 
And here begins my Adventure.
Tomorrow I set out from home to go on a journey.
I am going out to meet the world I so love to write about. I am going abroad to let the world captivate me and to let it inspire me. I will find more words to say and experience more things to write about.   
Sitting here, imagining the adventure before me, I am sure of one thing; just as I am about to experience the World, the World is about to experience me. 
 

Fearful

I am writing my way through another sleepless night. 
I was told once that when one is wrestling with God one has trouble sleeping. I know that if I write down my thoughts God will give me the right words to say before I go to sleep.
I know my fears have caused me to linger, and with all this hesitation I am running out of time. This struggle is a whirlwind and it gets me no where.
I want to be braver because I believe that God's plan for my future is greater than my fears. I want to face the future without being fearful.
I know that I can do all things through him who gives me strength.
And I certainly will try. 
I will write one more chapter before I go to sleep, because I know I can.
Thanks for reading <3

Coffee Shop

"What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee." ~Anthony Trollope 

I love coffee a little too much.

Good thing coffee loves me back ;) 

Photo Credit goes to the guy who sat across from when these pictures were taken, my Dad. You can check out more of his pictures at www.heinrichnikel.com/

Thrift Shopping

I love thrift shopping. 
Some people cringe at the idea of using old things. They think it's icky because the stuff is used. 
I think that is what makes it so interesting. The stuff you buy at thrift stores is timeworn. It's already been somewhere. These objects have history. They are antiquities from another life.

Red floral dress; thrifted from Garage

Red Sweater; Thrifted from SmartSet 

Book; Catherine the Great, Portrait of a Woman by; Robert K. Massie

Book; Masterpieces of Fantasy and Enchantment by: Nelson Doubleday

Book: (Oxford Edition) Poetical Works of Robert Bridges

Green Dress; Thrifted from Ardenes

 Book; The Moon in the Cloud by; Rosemary Harris

Book: The Harvard Classics; American Historical Documents (Deluxe Edition) (1000-1904)

In a few weeks I will see the Ocean for the first time! I saw these two beakers at the thrift store for 25cents each and thought they were the perfect vessel to store my souvenir of the ocean on my book-shelf. 

Blue Top; Thrifted from NewYork

Blue Flannel Shirt: Thrifted from George. I love getting comfy flannel shirts to wear over my clothes when I'm painting. Soon this one too will be covered in paint!

Book; The Golden Compass by; Phillip Pullman

Book; Masterpieces of Mystery and Suspense Compiled by; Martin H. Greenberg

Meraki

I will never sell this painting because it is too precious and money can not buy it. 
I love the way the pebbles glow and the way the paint shimmers when the light hits it.
I painted this one in my Art class a while back with my best friend. 
I called it Meraki. 
Meraki is a Greek word that does not exist in English. 
Meraki means to do something with soul and with love. It means leaving something of yourself behind in your work.
This painting sits in my room and to me it represents the soul and love the two of us have invested into our friendship. 
A long time ago me and my best friend agreed that, despite our many differences, and despite the distance that is now between us, we would not give up on our friendship even when life got difficult. 
Even when life gets busy and we haven't talked in weeks I know that friendships such as these are far to rare and precious to let go. 
It is the beauty of two people that decide not to give up on each other. Friendships such as these are priceless. And therefore, so is this painting. 
   

 

Wishes

"May you get all your wishes but one, so you always have something to strive for." ~Someone Irish ;)

There is this cliche phrase that claims you can wish for the world. 

I think this is silly simply because there are far greater things than the world that you could wish for. 

If I were to claim that my wishes are so grand that the they could compare to the world then everything I want has become something earthly. 

I will dream of heaven and wish upon far greater things.

I am satisfied with blowing dandelions for a little while longer; Content with counting a few more shooting stars; I'll save these wishes for much later. Locked away for safe keeping in dusty corners on my shelf. I'll memorize the constellations and I'll know just the way they dance. 

 I know that I will never be as happy as in the midst of striving for this endeavor. 
Let me dream a little while longer. A few more foot steps up the hill before I climb my mountain. The adventure's always the best part of the story.

And every time the fight is beyond bearing I will remember not to let drifting dandelions and falling stars go to waste. 

The one who gives me the spirit to make wishes also gives me the courage to pursue them.  
He has given me these dreams, and I will fulfill them in his name.
 

The Anatomical Shape of a Heart

I was really disappointed with this book because I thought the title was really cool. 
The main character was dull. She really didn't have any depth. I couldn't feel for her at all throughout the story simply because she was incredibly annoying. 
She is a classic example of the typical "pixie dream girl," and I hate the pixie dream girls. 
In a nut shell, when Bex Adams isn't drowning in her own self pity, she is usually out and about thinking her small little world revolves around her. She is the type to way over think insignificant things without actually doing much at all.
The only thing that made this story remotely interesting was that the deuteragonist, and of course the love interest of the story, Jack Vincent, actually had some amount of depth to his character. Despite the fact that even the depth of this character was fairly shallow, I would have enjoyed the book a lot more if it had been from his point of view. 
You simply cannot tell a good story with characters like these. 
The title is about as good as it gets with this one. 

Picnics

Last week I took off the afternoon to have a picnic with a friend. It was too beautiful a day so we decided to take a moment off to appreciate it. Lemonade, blueberries and good talks in the shade. It is simple things like these that make life abundantly beautiful. 

Regrets

"Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude." 
~Anne Frank  

Regrets are a very personal thing. Regrets are the mistakes we don't talk about and the secrets we pretend not to have.
Regrets eat you up inside. They grip your heart until it's just an aching muscle. But no matter how many times your bitterness consumes you, no matter how many times you overcome the remorse, that regrettable place in the story of your life will always be lacking the mountain you wish you'd climbed. It will always be a mistaken footstep, a choice reversed, a dream left behind, a moment forever slipped away.
But, when it comes down to it, the days in which I did something "regretful" are the days that I regret the least.
Yes, I still prefer to hide my regrets, because after all, they are still my mistakes. 
But my mistakes have allowed me to feel things, things like anger that is beyond taming; sadness so deep you forget yourself within it. 
My mistakes have allowed me to experience first hand what regret can do to a person. When everything good becomes twisted in the nicks and notches of a croquet heart. 
So, to conclude my story of regrets, my biggest regret is trying to push these emotions away instead of embracing them. 
I regret seeking to numb myself when I felt broken inside.
There are still parts of myself that I have lost because I tried to run from the things that hurt me. I thrust away the most vulnerable pieces of my heart. I buried it all like corpses in the ground because I had always believed pain to be a weakness.
I had traded away the broken pieces of myself because I thought that if I rid myself of that which had been crippled I would no longer feel the pain. Instead I would simply feel empty.
Now I have found that it was those very pieces of me that were most precious. The most frail and fragile pieces of our souls need the most care because they are so priceless. They are invaluable, inestimable. 
Pain is not our shortcoming. We are not incapable of living. Pain is when we must be strongest. 

Photo Credit to Heinrich Nikel Photography

 

I regret running to the wrong things for comfort. But my biggest regret in life is trying not to feel. I would rather feel pain and sorrow than to feel dead inside.
If I could live any day again I would choose to feel every aspect of my pain. Because once pain is felt it goes away.
It is when we try not to feel it that it stays.

Comforter

I love my cat.
He was born in a very rough time of my life, and so it seemed only fitting that I name him after my favorite of the ultimate comfort food, Raffael; after Raffaelo Chocolate.  
No one that is my kinda crazy is complete without a cat as their companion. 
He is my comforter.  And since I am usually too broke to eat my fill of Raffaelo's, every bad day ends with Raffael cuddles.